Investments Are Our Future

I love a new tube of lipstick. I love to buy well-made clothing and admittedly some cheaply made clothing too. My last time buying shoes, I bought 8 pair in a weekend. In my defense I purchased 3 for me, one for my mother and four for my son. Of those the obscene amount of shoes I purchased for the Bubba, one of those pairs were new soccer cleats for this season. (But if you have to qualify why you do something your guilty conscious is speaking to you. And I'm sounding a little like my mother now.) Bottom line is I like to make myself feel good with my disposable income. Aside from the comfort I get from knowing that my bills are paid on time, and the sense of responsibility I get from exercising the restraint I should in avoiding eating out frequently, or attending every event, or even frequently making unnecessary purchases, I get great satisfaction in making good investments.

It’s no secret that I have big plans for myself. I have actually shared those big plans with a few people who have been nothing but supportive along the way.  But today, I truly feel like I have done two very important things to invest in my future. And I feel that if you are going to invest in someone why not invest in yourself.  To invoke some imagery here, I single-handedly add some additional sunshine and water to the seeds I have planted. What I did today might even qualify as fertilizer. (It’s amazing that I immediately thought of vegetation for my example considering I have a black thumb and not a green one. Don’t leave your plants with me if you want them to live.) Either way you describe it, I feel good about the investment I made into myself and even though I was nervous about what I was doing at first, I took the leap of faith because as Benjamin Franklin so poignantly spoke it, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”.  I guess today we can translate that into “YOLO, Son!”… or not.

So here’s a little nugget for those of us who are at a crossroads, who don’t really know what to do or where to put that little bit of change you saved. Spend that money on you and I don't mean shoes. (Oh the hypocrisy, but I digress....) Spend that money on something that is either going to further a cause, your career, or your health. Invest in yourself. Only you and your positive attitude can guarantee a positive return on your investment.  Take care of the seeds you are planting by making investments along the way and most importantly keep at it; your goals that is.  Don’t stop your pursuits for no one or nothing. 

I really could use a new handbag, though. ;-)

A Case of The Mondays

Monday.

Monday kind of sucks...like a lot. Monday gets a bad rap, but let's face it, that rap has been well deserved. Monday is the beginning of the work week while contemporaneously ending the weekend. (Yeah, I said contemporaneously.) Translation; it's the end of the fun and the freedom while transitioning you to the routine and mundane. And Tuesday is Monday's ugly sister. 

But it doesn't have to be this way. For instance, if you are like me and you celebrated your hometown football team returning to the Super Bowl for the second time (#keeppounding), your Monday is pretty awesome. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am a huge Carolina Panthers fan. And it was so awesome watching them this season. Every Sunday they played (and won), made my Mondays more awesome. I have had coworkers congratulate me every Monday morning like I actually suited up and hit the field myself. Monday is pretty cool when your team is winning; and this brings me to my point. Find it, whatever it is that makes you keep going and makes you love your life. I think I have found it in several avenues of my life and I can admittedly say that I am the happiest I have been...like ever. 

I feel like I hit my stride and it's smooth sailing from here on out. Call it a winning streak because I feel like I am on it. And what does winning beget; usually more winning. So here's a few nuggets I have picked up from all of my reading and my very wise friends and family that keeps me focused on winning.

1. Eliminate the negative, and toxicity in your life and keep moving past it.  If s/he is a frenemy, hater, shade tree, or whatever term we have created, eliminate him/her from your life unapologetically. You only have to answer to your peace of mind for this. It can be anything or anyone, but just know it when you see it and do what you have to do to reclaim the space it takes in your head. 

2. Say no. But keep your word. Find time for yourself by making sure you aren't over-committing. But if you said you are going to do something, do it. Sometimes breaking your word can cause drama. And taking on more than you can handle only causes stress. My goodness, this was a huge learning curve for me. I like to do it all, but will no longer do so at my detriment. 

3. Unplug. Step away from the laptop, tablet and your smart phone and take part in some "Netflix and Chill", but in the traditional sense. (You should read this to say: relax and watch some TV, pervs.) Travel, or shop, read or catch up with someone. Whatever you do, remove the distractions going on around us.

4. Hang out with your favorites. So I got to see some of my line sisters for brunch at Buttermilk Kitchen on Sunday and I also saw my TFF for some BFF(Beer, Football and Friends) and I ate so much I couldn't eat dinner, but I felt so awesome being around some people I love...and watching my Panthers win. I had a whole day of good company and took a whole lot of pictures. On Saturday I had fabulous brunch at The Lawrence. I didn't leave a single crumb on my plate. The food was great and the company was better.

*Side note, please go to Buttermilk Kitchen and get the chicken biscuit. It will change your life. You're welcome in advance. 

5. Change your scenery. That could be as simple as taking a walk outside or as challenging as getting a new boo. Whatever it is, change is good so stay open to it. I like that I have changed as a person and I am excited about change in general, just look at my hair chronicles.

6. It's not personal. You are great. You are amazing to some people and not so amazing to others. But who cares? Be focused on being amazing to you and doing the best you can do everyday. You can't really help what people think of you and it's none of your business anyway. And trust me, for every one person who rejects you, there are at least ten wanting you on their team. 

So there you have it, the cure for the common case of the Mondays. Be well and be better. 

So this is a short one, I know. But I know a way to make this blog longer and a little more fun, or challenging to read. Turn this blog into a drinking game and take a sip every time you read the word "Monday(s)". Let's see if you can finish the post then.

Letting Go

One of the hardest decisions in life you will ever make is whether to stay or go.  This is a decision you will make all the time and at any given time. Sometimes the decision is much more difficult; and this is especially true of friendships. We have all experienced a break up with a significant other, but the loss of a friendship is sometimes a little harder to deal with. Friends aren't necessarily replaceable.  At our ages (I'm talking to the 30-somethings and older), cultivating new relationships is a little hard to do and the difficulty increases exponentially with the number of years you have. There is nothing scientific about that statement, but it seems pretty true. You were expected to make lifelong friends in high school or college or immediately following college at that first often ill-fated attempt at a job. Making friends in your 30s is...well...rather awkward. Seriously, if you don't have friends by now, where do you meet them? Do you just start hanging out with a random group of girls in the club? Do you stop a woman in a store that you are shopping in and compliment her on her shoes and then exchange numbers and agree to have coffee later? It can get be weird. It's not always so easy to find people like you; not even with the advent of social media. I have been fortunate enough to meet some interesting, like-minded women and men through work, church, random encounters, and from said people's children's association with my own child.  As a matter of fact, one of my closest friends worked with me for years and although we have both moved on from our former employer, we are still very good friends (Shout out to DK!). I would be remiss if I didn't mention that friends from work is rare and a serious faux pas; you should not befriend a coworker, ever; but that's another blog post!) It's all hit and miss. You roll the dice with everyone you ever meet. It can take an instant to determine if there is (or isn't) a connection or it can take a while. But once you determine that a relationship you are in is not the best for you, do you know when to leave? Or how to leave without being a jerk? And which of those questions is the most salient?

As I have aged into what I want to call wisdom, I have slowed down a bit. By slowed down, I have assessed and reassessed who I allow to have a front row seat into my life. Everyone does not deserve a front row seat into your life. I have been guilty of loosely associating the word "friend" with just about everyone I meet, but in reality most people don't even really achieve "associate" status. This can be a problem for the outsider. It seems to me that people who aren't in the front row will make up about you what they either don't know or don't understand. They assume you are one way or that you are particular about one thing without knowing anything for sure. They manipulate the truth and will manipulate you. They want inside and they feel like they deserve an immediate entry to the "front row" without paying any dues. When you don't give them what they want quick enough, they dismiss you. These people need to be let go.

Then you have those people who are self-righteous and self-centered. They don't care about how their actions affect those around them. They insecure, they are impulsive, but are slow to respond to your needs.Why should someone who is always right care if anyone else is? They often create a reality that is not real, but a resemblance of what they want. They are into appearances, but not into the truth. Their truth is what is right for them. They can be out of line and often times are, but with their own jaded justification of why it was appropriate to behave the way they did. And when they are out of line and extremely disrespectful they expect for you to understand. They make excuses for their shortcomings and that is not fair to you.  How I deal with these people is simple initially, I give him/her the benefit of the doubt. I don't wait for an apology because I have already forgiven well before the ah-ha moment shines a light on the darkness. I chose not to suffer in the oblivion of how they have mistreated people including myself. I chose to release it and that person from my life. This is not necessarily cutting people off, it's more like a demotion of status. They can't stay in the front row and not care about how they affect you. They have to be let go.

Hurt People hurt people. Walk, no run, away from people who are hurt. They can and will try to hurt you. You; the innocent bystander. You become the punching bag for no other reason than because you showed up. No one volunteers for abuse, but abusers don't care about who they hurt. Ask yourself if the relationship you are in makes you a better person. If it challenges you to become better it's worth being in; but if it is just challenging you need to let it go.