I have an ambitious set of friends who are all diverse and varied in their accomplishments. I am lucky. My friendships don't have a monotone to them and I appreciate that about them. I can ask one question to my circle of friends and get several different answers, all good answers, all different answers. I figured this would be good for my blog. I am good at philosophizing things and even articulating what I do to stay in shape. One is good at cooking and baking. Another is the most financially responsible person I know. And yet another is great at finding good deals ranging from apples to afghans to airfare. I love the diversity in my sphere of influence. It is good to not have to rely on the same opinion with several different voices.
How is your sphere of influence? Do you associate with the same person in different form? It may be time to think outside of the box. Does this close you off to valuable opinions that could change your life or even allow you to see a new perspective?
The election is next week. Next week we will know if our current POTUS (President of the United States) will stay or go based on how the majority of us feel about his competence as a leader. Or based on how the electoral college feels. I am a true moderate. I have voted both Republican and Democratic each time I have voted. I have not limited my views on how others like me feel about anything. I value the opinions of others. While posting my own (in my opinion witty) commentary on the debates, I was exposed to challenging statements to counter my own views. I even saw some challenging statements come across my timeline that I added my own thoughts on. Some things that were posted I agreed with even if they were not in favor of my candidate of choice.
So I will conclude this rather short blog with this: Broaden your scope. It doesn't help you, our nation, our children and the world if we all remain convicted to views that could be outdated and harmful to our future. It hasn't been 100 years that women could vote; both candidates are fighting hard to show their support of the voice of women. Imagine how different this election would be if it were in 1918... It's a good thing that even back then our ancestors had the foresight to not remain true to what they have always done.
Be receptive to all things, even the things you don't agree with. You never know how valuable another opinion could be.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Letting Go
One of the hardest decisions in life you will ever make is whether to stay or go. This is a decision you will make all the time and at any given time. Sometimes the decision is much more difficult; and this is especially true of friendships. We have all experienced a break up with a significant other, but the loss of a friendship is sometimes a little harder to deal with. Friends aren't necessarily replaceable. At our ages (I'm talking to the 30-somethings and older), cultivating new relationships is a little hard to do and the difficulty increases exponentially with the number of years you have. There is nothing scientific about that statement, but it seems pretty true. You were expected to make lifelong friends in high school or college or immediately following college at that first often ill-fated attempt at a job. Making friends in your 30s is...well...rather awkward. Seriously, if you don't have friends by now, where do you meet them? Do you just start hanging out with a random group of girls in the club? Do you stop a woman in a store that you are shopping in and compliment her on her shoes and then exchange numbers and agree to have coffee later? It can get be weird. It's not always so easy to find people like you; not even with the advent of social media. I have been fortunate enough to meet some interesting, like-minded women and men through work, church, random encounters, and from said people's children's association with my own child. As a matter of fact, one of my closest friends worked with me for years and although we have both moved on from our former employer, we are still very good friends (Shout out to DK!). I would be remiss if I didn't mention that friends from work is rare and a serious faux pas; you should not befriend a coworker, ever; but that's another blog post!) It's all hit and miss. You roll the dice with everyone you ever meet. It can take an instant to determine if there is (or isn't) a connection or it can take a while. But once you determine that a relationship you are in is not the best for you, do you know when to leave? Or how to leave without being a jerk? And which of those questions is the most salient?
As I have aged into what I want to call wisdom, I have slowed down a bit. By slowed down, I have assessed and reassessed who I allow to have a front row seat into my life. Everyone does not deserve a front row seat into your life. I have been guilty of loosely associating the word "friend" with just about everyone I meet, but in reality most people don't even really achieve "associate" status. This can be a problem for the outsider. It seems to me that people who aren't in the front row will make up about you what they either don't know or don't understand. They assume you are one way or that you are particular about one thing without knowing anything for sure. They manipulate the truth and will manipulate you. They want inside and they feel like they deserve an immediate entry to the "front row" without paying any dues. When you don't give them what they want quick enough, they dismiss you. These people need to be let go.
Then you have those people who are self-righteous and self-centered. They don't care about how their actions affect those around them. They insecure, they are impulsive, but are slow to respond to your needs.Why should someone who is always right care if anyone else is? They often create a reality that is not real, but a resemblance of what they want. They are into appearances, but not into the truth. Their truth is what is right for them. They can be out of line and often times are, but with their own jaded justification of why it was appropriate to behave the way they did. And when they are out of line and extremely disrespectful they expect for you to understand. They make excuses for their shortcomings and that is not fair to you. How I deal with these people is simple initially, I give him/her the benefit of the doubt. I don't wait for an apology because I have already forgiven well before the ah-ha moment shines a light on the darkness. I chose not to suffer in the oblivion of how they have mistreated people including myself. I chose to release it and that person from my life. This is not necessarily cutting people off, it's more like a demotion of status. They can't stay in the front row and not care about how they affect you. They have to be let go.
Hurt People hurt people. Walk, no run, away from people who are hurt. They can and will try to hurt you. You; the innocent bystander. You become the punching bag for no other reason than because you showed up. No one volunteers for abuse, but abusers don't care about who they hurt. Ask yourself if the relationship you are in makes you a better person. If it challenges you to become better it's worth being in; but if it is just challenging you need to let it go.
As I have aged into what I want to call wisdom, I have slowed down a bit. By slowed down, I have assessed and reassessed who I allow to have a front row seat into my life. Everyone does not deserve a front row seat into your life. I have been guilty of loosely associating the word "friend" with just about everyone I meet, but in reality most people don't even really achieve "associate" status. This can be a problem for the outsider. It seems to me that people who aren't in the front row will make up about you what they either don't know or don't understand. They assume you are one way or that you are particular about one thing without knowing anything for sure. They manipulate the truth and will manipulate you. They want inside and they feel like they deserve an immediate entry to the "front row" without paying any dues. When you don't give them what they want quick enough, they dismiss you. These people need to be let go.
Then you have those people who are self-righteous and self-centered. They don't care about how their actions affect those around them. They insecure, they are impulsive, but are slow to respond to your needs.Why should someone who is always right care if anyone else is? They often create a reality that is not real, but a resemblance of what they want. They are into appearances, but not into the truth. Their truth is what is right for them. They can be out of line and often times are, but with their own jaded justification of why it was appropriate to behave the way they did. And when they are out of line and extremely disrespectful they expect for you to understand. They make excuses for their shortcomings and that is not fair to you. How I deal with these people is simple initially, I give him/her the benefit of the doubt. I don't wait for an apology because I have already forgiven well before the ah-ha moment shines a light on the darkness. I chose not to suffer in the oblivion of how they have mistreated people including myself. I chose to release it and that person from my life. This is not necessarily cutting people off, it's more like a demotion of status. They can't stay in the front row and not care about how they affect you. They have to be let go.
Hurt People hurt people. Walk, no run, away from people who are hurt. They can and will try to hurt you. You; the innocent bystander. You become the punching bag for no other reason than because you showed up. No one volunteers for abuse, but abusers don't care about who they hurt. Ask yourself if the relationship you are in makes you a better person. If it challenges you to become better it's worth being in; but if it is just challenging you need to let it go.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Use Your Time Wisely
"I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good thing,
therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow human
being let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not
pass this way again".~Stephen Grellet, 1773-1855
French-born Quaker Minister
Those hours I spent yesterday I will never get back. And I'm okay with that because all day yesterday I did exactly what I wanted to do for each and every hour of that day. There were things that I felt like I should do, but it's so rare for me to just do what I want to do; and by what I want to do, I mean relax. My weekends are normally packed solid with birthday parties, events, maybe even service activities, phone calls, cooking, laundry and everything else that falls under the errands category. I didn't do any of the aforementioned and that felt good.
That brings me to my next point and personal story. The only job I can honestly say I have loved up to this point was teaching. I loved the kids, the faculty and staff. I loved learning knew things the the course I was teaching. I loved coaching the track and dance team. I was so young when I was teaching, so didn't feel slighted by the lack of a paycheck. I was working 24/7. I was thinking about how I could tie current events into my lesson plans. I was eating, sleeping, and breathing teaching. I started back to graduate school and I felt like I was doing something amazing. I was making a contribution to society through my service to my classroom, and I got paid to do this. It was awesome. Then I started to need "things" because I was too immature to know any better. I needed to look in terms of material, as good as I felt internally. That means I needed more money.
We are all motivated by money. Society as a whole is motivate by money. Wars are fought over this, elections are won and lost over this. I am especially aware of this. Without thinking it through in its entirety, I left my teaching position and took a job at an insurance company. It was a huge pay increase. I could afford those "things" now. I kept working, I kept performing, I earned more. I moved, I earned even more. I switched companies, I earned even more. But I hated my job. I hated the company, I hated the work. Whilst being thankful for the paycheck and a place to go Monday-Friday, I hated the job. I got no glory from the work. I was an under-appreciated employee. I started to think about the harm this was doing to me and my family and anyone who ever has to hear or read my thoughts. Putting so much time and energy into the work I loathed made me cynical. I spent more time at work than I did at home and I hated every minute of it. That's time I can't get back. I started a pursuit of something better. And better, I have found.
Most of us don't like our jobs, but we are fearful of what it would mean to our households to pursue other things. Only when that fear is surpassed by what it would mean if we didn't pursue what we love, do we make changes. The challenge to making yourself a better person is to do what you love. Contribute to the world in a way that makes you proud. Love your career and if you don't love it, find a new one. If you feel good about yourself, you will feel uplifted in everything you do. Your family will benefit, your friends will benefit. Since infectious smiles get passed around more than the common cold, the stranger you smile at will benefit too.
kb
therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow human
being let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not
pass this way again".~Stephen Grellet, 1773-1855
French-born Quaker Minister
Those hours I spent yesterday I will never get back. And I'm okay with that because all day yesterday I did exactly what I wanted to do for each and every hour of that day. There were things that I felt like I should do, but it's so rare for me to just do what I want to do; and by what I want to do, I mean relax. My weekends are normally packed solid with birthday parties, events, maybe even service activities, phone calls, cooking, laundry and everything else that falls under the errands category. I didn't do any of the aforementioned and that felt good.
That brings me to my next point and personal story. The only job I can honestly say I have loved up to this point was teaching. I loved the kids, the faculty and staff. I loved learning knew things the the course I was teaching. I loved coaching the track and dance team. I was so young when I was teaching, so didn't feel slighted by the lack of a paycheck. I was working 24/7. I was thinking about how I could tie current events into my lesson plans. I was eating, sleeping, and breathing teaching. I started back to graduate school and I felt like I was doing something amazing. I was making a contribution to society through my service to my classroom, and I got paid to do this. It was awesome. Then I started to need "things" because I was too immature to know any better. I needed to look in terms of material, as good as I felt internally. That means I needed more money.
We are all motivated by money. Society as a whole is motivate by money. Wars are fought over this, elections are won and lost over this. I am especially aware of this. Without thinking it through in its entirety, I left my teaching position and took a job at an insurance company. It was a huge pay increase. I could afford those "things" now. I kept working, I kept performing, I earned more. I moved, I earned even more. I switched companies, I earned even more. But I hated my job. I hated the company, I hated the work. Whilst being thankful for the paycheck and a place to go Monday-Friday, I hated the job. I got no glory from the work. I was an under-appreciated employee. I started to think about the harm this was doing to me and my family and anyone who ever has to hear or read my thoughts. Putting so much time and energy into the work I loathed made me cynical. I spent more time at work than I did at home and I hated every minute of it. That's time I can't get back. I started a pursuit of something better. And better, I have found.
Most of us don't like our jobs, but we are fearful of what it would mean to our households to pursue other things. Only when that fear is surpassed by what it would mean if we didn't pursue what we love, do we make changes. The challenge to making yourself a better person is to do what you love. Contribute to the world in a way that makes you proud. Love your career and if you don't love it, find a new one. If you feel good about yourself, you will feel uplifted in everything you do. Your family will benefit, your friends will benefit. Since infectious smiles get passed around more than the common cold, the stranger you smile at will benefit too.
kb
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Redemption!
Every leap year there are two things we can all count on. 1. A knock-down, drag-out fight between Republicans and Democrats and 2. The Olympics. I appreciate the opportunity to vote for our nation's leaders, but I LOVE the Olympics. I love watching Swimming, Diving, Gymnastics and of course Athletics/Track and Field. Watching the competition among the elite athletes is nail-biting sometimes and at other times it gets me out of my seat cheering loud enough to disturb my neighbors. I drew on the inspiration of Florence Griffith Joyner and Jackie Joyner-Kerse to run track. I eventually paid for my college education by running track. (Thank you FloJo and Jackie.) Today I watch these games and my inspiration comes from Dana Vollmer.
In the past I've only watched Swimming and by watched I mean I am looked for the swimming caps with the American Flag on it to touch the wall first. I'll be honest, aside from Dara Torres, Michael Phelps, Natalie Coughlin, Ryan Lochte and "the black guy" on the relay, I didn't recognize any other swimmers. It wasn't until watched Dana Vollmer break the world record that I knew who she was. It was an amazing race to watch. She crushed the field. But what made her stand out to me wasn't her victory, it was the story behind her "don't quit" attitude.
Vollmer has been a talented swimmer for a very long time. She competed in the 2000 Olympic trials at age 12. She made the Olympic team in 2004 and brought home a gold medal as a part of the quartet that swam the 4x200 freestyle. By all accounts, she was a shoo-in for the 2008 Olympics in Beijing...until she wasn't a shoo-in. Vollmer did not make the team. After all that success, she fell down, and fell hard. But what makes Vollmer my inspiration is the fact that she got back up. She refused to accept a temporary condition (not making the team) with a permanent mindset (giving up on swimming). She got back in the pool and in 2012 she not only made the team, she won a gold medal and broke the world-record in doing so. The race that day was for second, because Vollmer was not going to be beaten. I can't think of a better rebound story. It was as if she took a cue from a famous Winston Churchill quote, "Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever give up. Never give up. Never give up. Never give up." Imagine where you would be if you had that kind of conviction in your life.
So the message for this post is don't give up. There is redemption after a failure. Persevere and see your goals through. Make some adjustments, but don't give up. Greatness is in all of us.
In the past I've only watched Swimming and by watched I mean I am looked for the swimming caps with the American Flag on it to touch the wall first. I'll be honest, aside from Dara Torres, Michael Phelps, Natalie Coughlin, Ryan Lochte and "the black guy" on the relay, I didn't recognize any other swimmers. It wasn't until watched Dana Vollmer break the world record that I knew who she was. It was an amazing race to watch. She crushed the field. But what made her stand out to me wasn't her victory, it was the story behind her "don't quit" attitude.
Vollmer has been a talented swimmer for a very long time. She competed in the 2000 Olympic trials at age 12. She made the Olympic team in 2004 and brought home a gold medal as a part of the quartet that swam the 4x200 freestyle. By all accounts, she was a shoo-in for the 2008 Olympics in Beijing...until she wasn't a shoo-in. Vollmer did not make the team. After all that success, she fell down, and fell hard. But what makes Vollmer my inspiration is the fact that she got back up. She refused to accept a temporary condition (not making the team) with a permanent mindset (giving up on swimming). She got back in the pool and in 2012 she not only made the team, she won a gold medal and broke the world-record in doing so. The race that day was for second, because Vollmer was not going to be beaten. I can't think of a better rebound story. It was as if she took a cue from a famous Winston Churchill quote, "Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever give up. Never give up. Never give up. Never give up." Imagine where you would be if you had that kind of conviction in your life.
So the message for this post is don't give up. There is redemption after a failure. Persevere and see your goals through. Make some adjustments, but don't give up. Greatness is in all of us.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Starting with your MOUTH
The power of life and death resides in your mouth.... If I had a penny for every time I have heard that I would never work again. It's a very powerful and cryptic, but a resoundingly true statement. You can create chaos and comfort from the things "you say". I can think of the ways I've been discouraged and encouraged in the matter of a couple of words. It makes you wonder how many people you have validated or victimized from saying whatever you had to say just because you could say it. Or maybe knowing that someone needed to hear a specific message from you and you either offered a word or neglected to give it. Or this; a personal pet peeve of mine, saying you will call/email/text and neglecting to do anything at all. Not offering a word in these cases is almost like speaking death, death to your credibility. My thoughts are if you can't do what you say, you will have issues with telling me the truth. Words, or the lack thereof, are so powerful. Simple enough, right?
My cousin is a life coach and several years ago, probably well before I graduated college, she recommended a book called "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. In this book there are four things you as the reader should agree to do to create "A Better Me" [meaning you]. My cousin didn't realize how this book would be read and re-read because the message is timeless and even as a very young woman I could identify with the message to the point of wanting to live it out. And when I caught myself falling, I could read the book again and instead of falling down, fall in line. The first and most prominent agreement is -Be Impeccable with Your Word.
Being impeccable with your word. Sounds simple, right? Sure it is, but it doesn't just stop with telling the truth and keeping your word. Being impeccable means being "without sin". The word impeccable has a Latin root base that literally translates to "without sin". Directly from the book, it is stated, that "when you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself." You do not reject yourself, rather you embrace what is true about yourself. To make this short, you don't let words of yourself and others effect what you should think and know about yourself. You also don't use words to hurt other people, because in the long run, this also hurts yourself. You don't gossip, and you don't accept negative speech about yourself. More than not gossiping is not falling into the ever so easy trap of listening to the gossip. You don't repeat negative speech and you keep the confidence of others. When you are impeccable with your word, you avoid letting your mouth get you into trouble. So yes... this is simple enough.
I've had an acquaintance tell me that people will talk about you even if they don't know you and even when they know it is not true what they are saying about you. She is right. This will sadly happen all the time. But accepting what is true about yourself will cause naysayers to falter every time. This is also why Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book, also poses the second agreement as "Don't Take Anything Personally".
Until next time,
KB
My cousin is a life coach and several years ago, probably well before I graduated college, she recommended a book called "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. In this book there are four things you as the reader should agree to do to create "A Better Me" [meaning you]. My cousin didn't realize how this book would be read and re-read because the message is timeless and even as a very young woman I could identify with the message to the point of wanting to live it out. And when I caught myself falling, I could read the book again and instead of falling down, fall in line. The first and most prominent agreement is -Be Impeccable with Your Word.
Being impeccable with your word. Sounds simple, right? Sure it is, but it doesn't just stop with telling the truth and keeping your word. Being impeccable means being "without sin". The word impeccable has a Latin root base that literally translates to "without sin". Directly from the book, it is stated, that "when you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself." You do not reject yourself, rather you embrace what is true about yourself. To make this short, you don't let words of yourself and others effect what you should think and know about yourself. You also don't use words to hurt other people, because in the long run, this also hurts yourself. You don't gossip, and you don't accept negative speech about yourself. More than not gossiping is not falling into the ever so easy trap of listening to the gossip. You don't repeat negative speech and you keep the confidence of others. When you are impeccable with your word, you avoid letting your mouth get you into trouble. So yes... this is simple enough.
I've had an acquaintance tell me that people will talk about you even if they don't know you and even when they know it is not true what they are saying about you. She is right. This will sadly happen all the time. But accepting what is true about yourself will cause naysayers to falter every time. This is also why Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book, also poses the second agreement as "Don't Take Anything Personally".
Until next time,
KB
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Random Acts of Kindness Can Change The World
The week of July 23rd could have been the roughest week in a very long time for me were it not for this one, random thing done by this one, random woman who I consider my Starbucks benefactor. I was in line, at Starbucks on a Tuesday morning. And if you are a frequenter of Starbucks you are familiar with how much of your time waiting in line at Starbucks can take. It's similar to Atlanta traffic. I waited and I waited. I was able to return a phone call, check and respond to two emails before placing my order. I ordered a Lime Refresher. The total came up to $3.45. I pull up to the window and my order was already paid for. I received a note to accompany my beverage that read, "God Bless You. Have a great Friday".
This was something so random and so remarkable and though this was not the first time something like this has happened to me, it was the first time that it started a ripple effect. I took to Facebook and posted a copy of the letter and even offered a challenge for everyone who commented on, or liked my post regarding the start to my Tuesday to do the same thing. I had quite a few likes for this post. If only one person offered some random act of kindness to a stranger after reading my post I can feel like I made a difference to some else's day, albeit indirectly. I felt so good, I went to a McDonald's and randomly paid $2.12 for another's random order. I gave the recipient of my "gift" the very same note I received from Starbucks with an additional note urging him to "pay it forward". And even in not knowing the outcome for sure, something tells me he did. I kept the receipt in my wallet as a reminder of how something so little can make a big difference.
So that is what birthed this blog. I have blogged about completely useless information. I have even read blogs about completely useless information, but all of that changed in a matter of me spending $2.12 on someone who didn't expect it. So what does this all mean? What now? This means filtering through information, experiences and advice to make "A Better Me" thus hopefully helping you to make a better you for your family, your friends and ultimately the world. That's a daunting task, I know, but we have to start somewhere. I'm starting with the $3.45 that was gifted to me and ultimately gifted to someone else in another form. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts, after all. There are little things we can all do to make life easier for each other.
I hope you enjoy. I hope you share. I hope you stay tuned.
xoxo,
KB
This was something so random and so remarkable and though this was not the first time something like this has happened to me, it was the first time that it started a ripple effect. I took to Facebook and posted a copy of the letter and even offered a challenge for everyone who commented on, or liked my post regarding the start to my Tuesday to do the same thing. I had quite a few likes for this post. If only one person offered some random act of kindness to a stranger after reading my post I can feel like I made a difference to some else's day, albeit indirectly. I felt so good, I went to a McDonald's and randomly paid $2.12 for another's random order. I gave the recipient of my "gift" the very same note I received from Starbucks with an additional note urging him to "pay it forward". And even in not knowing the outcome for sure, something tells me he did. I kept the receipt in my wallet as a reminder of how something so little can make a big difference.
So that is what birthed this blog. I have blogged about completely useless information. I have even read blogs about completely useless information, but all of that changed in a matter of me spending $2.12 on someone who didn't expect it. So what does this all mean? What now? This means filtering through information, experiences and advice to make "A Better Me" thus hopefully helping you to make a better you for your family, your friends and ultimately the world. That's a daunting task, I know, but we have to start somewhere. I'm starting with the $3.45 that was gifted to me and ultimately gifted to someone else in another form. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts, after all. There are little things we can all do to make life easier for each other.
I hope you enjoy. I hope you share. I hope you stay tuned.
xoxo,
KB
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