Investments Are Our Future

I love a new tube of lipstick. I love to buy well-made clothing and admittedly some cheaply made clothing too. My last time buying shoes, I bought 8 pair in a weekend. In my defense I purchased 3 for me, one for my mother and four for my son. Of those the obscene amount of shoes I purchased for the Bubba, one of those pairs were new soccer cleats for this season. (But if you have to qualify why you do something your guilty conscious is speaking to you. And I'm sounding a little like my mother now.) Bottom line is I like to make myself feel good with my disposable income. Aside from the comfort I get from knowing that my bills are paid on time, and the sense of responsibility I get from exercising the restraint I should in avoiding eating out frequently, or attending every event, or even frequently making unnecessary purchases, I get great satisfaction in making good investments.

It’s no secret that I have big plans for myself. I have actually shared those big plans with a few people who have been nothing but supportive along the way.  But today, I truly feel like I have done two very important things to invest in my future. And I feel that if you are going to invest in someone why not invest in yourself.  To invoke some imagery here, I single-handedly add some additional sunshine and water to the seeds I have planted. What I did today might even qualify as fertilizer. (It’s amazing that I immediately thought of vegetation for my example considering I have a black thumb and not a green one. Don’t leave your plants with me if you want them to live.) Either way you describe it, I feel good about the investment I made into myself and even though I was nervous about what I was doing at first, I took the leap of faith because as Benjamin Franklin so poignantly spoke it, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”.  I guess today we can translate that into “YOLO, Son!”… or not.

So here’s a little nugget for those of us who are at a crossroads, who don’t really know what to do or where to put that little bit of change you saved. Spend that money on you and I don't mean shoes. (Oh the hypocrisy, but I digress....) Spend that money on something that is either going to further a cause, your career, or your health. Invest in yourself. Only you and your positive attitude can guarantee a positive return on your investment.  Take care of the seeds you are planting by making investments along the way and most importantly keep at it; your goals that is.  Don’t stop your pursuits for no one or nothing. 

I really could use a new handbag, though. ;-)

The Art of "Gitter Done"

My blog…. My blog. It was a good idea when I had it. I write it in spurts.  Perhaps it’s because as a true Aquarius I have so many ideas in my head at one time; and also because I have proclivities of taking on more than any one person should ever handle, that I fail to focus enough on one single thing. It’s the biggest on my short list of failings.  I have a fear of wasting my time so I move on pretty fast too. If one thing isn’t working to my lofty expectations, I move on. That’s a good and a bad thing. Good, because my “fall back game” is strong. And I don't look back either.  My aunt used to tell me I was hardcore. My uncle told me I will “quit” people quickly if they mess up. My mother still tells me she doesn’t worry at all about me because of this. I seem to have a handle on knowing when to “fold ‘em”, and even if my heart was really in it. 

Bad- because I have a laundry list of things I feel like I need to do and haven't completed. I have yet to complete my annual beginning-of-the-year vision board. We are now in March and I try to do this by the end of January....mea culpa.  I have yet to mail out, already written, thank you cards from last November. I have yet to complete a lot of things that are on my mental and tangible check-lists, but I know one day I will get them all done.  “One day” of course being a relative term. (See what I did there?)

I don't finish what I start. I have many goals that haven't reached fulfillment, but many more goals that have. If I applied more of myself to what I have started...never mind. Well I had the opportunity to meet with a very prominent man last week in Georgia. In my mind I call him Mr. Dapper. He was very polite, very dapper, smelled amazing and had a quiet and stoic presence about him. I dig stoic men. I get why he is popular. I get why everyone he walks by won’t let him get from point A to point B without stopping him to say just about any little feeble or vapid thing. “Hi Mr. Dapper, I like that shade of blue on your suit.” or “Hi Mr. Dapper, do you iron your socks or are they naturally wrinkle-free?”, people sincerely and palpably want his attention. They look for his feedback. And he always gives it in his polite and consistent manner. He is as credible as he is cool and I lucked up got to pick his brain for an afternoon. (Thanks Mayme.)

To know me is to know that while I'm very inquisitive, I am very selective in the messages I chose to receive; the old platitude of “considering the source” and “taking [things] with a grain of salt” wasn’t lost on me.  I guess that attitude comes with the territory of being hardcore.  Well Mr. Dapper spoke about a lot of things last week. He referenced a few books, he spoke about his life experiences, and everything he stated was salient to our conversation. However, one main thing stuck out, he told me to find a way to work toward my goals every day. Now this is just what this self-proclaimed  idealist-but-non-finisher needed to hear. He basically told me to execute.  He said I needed to do something every single day to accomplish my goals. This sincerely spoke to me.

It's important to finish what you start. It's important to be accountable to yourself and to the stakeholders of your goals. Being accountable is important and it’s also one of those things we innately know we should do but we don’t always do. In all honesty, it’s redundant, but anyone in need of a little remediation needs it more than once. I have been exposed to many articles that stated something similar, but the message didn’t have any effect until Mr. Dapper said it. Perhaps it was his presentation skills, perhaps it was his Hermes belt, or even those Gucci glasses; I digress. If you want to be good at something, create a good habit, or get a new job, you need to do work at it daily. Every. Single. Day.  Be accountable and gitter done.  Here starts day #3 for me and it doesn’t stop until I have met my goals. 

A Case of The Mondays

Monday.

Monday kind of sucks...like a lot. Monday gets a bad rap, but let's face it, that rap has been well deserved. Monday is the beginning of the work week while contemporaneously ending the weekend. (Yeah, I said contemporaneously.) Translation; it's the end of the fun and the freedom while transitioning you to the routine and mundane. And Tuesday is Monday's ugly sister. 

But it doesn't have to be this way. For instance, if you are like me and you celebrated your hometown football team returning to the Super Bowl for the second time (#keeppounding), your Monday is pretty awesome. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am a huge Carolina Panthers fan. And it was so awesome watching them this season. Every Sunday they played (and won), made my Mondays more awesome. I have had coworkers congratulate me every Monday morning like I actually suited up and hit the field myself. Monday is pretty cool when your team is winning; and this brings me to my point. Find it, whatever it is that makes you keep going and makes you love your life. I think I have found it in several avenues of my life and I can admittedly say that I am the happiest I have been...like ever. 

I feel like I hit my stride and it's smooth sailing from here on out. Call it a winning streak because I feel like I am on it. And what does winning beget; usually more winning. So here's a few nuggets I have picked up from all of my reading and my very wise friends and family that keeps me focused on winning.

1. Eliminate the negative, and toxicity in your life and keep moving past it.  If s/he is a frenemy, hater, shade tree, or whatever term we have created, eliminate him/her from your life unapologetically. You only have to answer to your peace of mind for this. It can be anything or anyone, but just know it when you see it and do what you have to do to reclaim the space it takes in your head. 

2. Say no. But keep your word. Find time for yourself by making sure you aren't over-committing. But if you said you are going to do something, do it. Sometimes breaking your word can cause drama. And taking on more than you can handle only causes stress. My goodness, this was a huge learning curve for me. I like to do it all, but will no longer do so at my detriment. 

3. Unplug. Step away from the laptop, tablet and your smart phone and take part in some "Netflix and Chill", but in the traditional sense. (You should read this to say: relax and watch some TV, pervs.) Travel, or shop, read or catch up with someone. Whatever you do, remove the distractions going on around us.

4. Hang out with your favorites. So I got to see some of my line sisters for brunch at Buttermilk Kitchen on Sunday and I also saw my TFF for some BFF(Beer, Football and Friends) and I ate so much I couldn't eat dinner, but I felt so awesome being around some people I love...and watching my Panthers win. I had a whole day of good company and took a whole lot of pictures. On Saturday I had fabulous brunch at The Lawrence. I didn't leave a single crumb on my plate. The food was great and the company was better.

*Side note, please go to Buttermilk Kitchen and get the chicken biscuit. It will change your life. You're welcome in advance. 

5. Change your scenery. That could be as simple as taking a walk outside or as challenging as getting a new boo. Whatever it is, change is good so stay open to it. I like that I have changed as a person and I am excited about change in general, just look at my hair chronicles.

6. It's not personal. You are great. You are amazing to some people and not so amazing to others. But who cares? Be focused on being amazing to you and doing the best you can do everyday. You can't really help what people think of you and it's none of your business anyway. And trust me, for every one person who rejects you, there are at least ten wanting you on their team. 

So there you have it, the cure for the common case of the Mondays. Be well and be better. 

So this is a short one, I know. But I know a way to make this blog longer and a little more fun, or challenging to read. Turn this blog into a drinking game and take a sip every time you read the word "Monday(s)". Let's see if you can finish the post then.

Diversify your profile

I have an ambitious set of friends who are all diverse and varied in their accomplishments. I am lucky. My friendships don't have a monotone to them and I appreciate that about them. I can ask one question to my circle of friends and get several different answers, all good answers, all different answers. I figured this would be good for my blog. I am good at philosophizing things and even articulating what I do to stay in shape. One is good at cooking and baking. Another is the most financially responsible person I know. And yet another is great at finding good deals ranging from apples to afghans to airfare. I love the diversity in my sphere of influence.   It is good to not have to rely on the same opinion with several different voices.

How is your sphere of influence? Do you associate with the same person in different form? It may be time to think outside of the box. Does this close you off to valuable opinions that could change your life or even allow you to see a new perspective?

The election is next week. Next week we will know if our current POTUS (President of the United States) will stay or go based on how the majority of us feel about his competence as a leader. Or based on how the electoral college feels. I am a true moderate. I have voted both Republican and Democratic each time I have voted. I have not limited my views on how others like me feel about anything. I value the opinions of others. While posting my own (in my opinion witty) commentary on the debates, I was exposed to challenging statements to counter my own views. I even saw some challenging statements come across my timeline that I added my own thoughts on.  Some things that were posted I agreed with even if they were not in favor of my candidate of choice.

So I will conclude this rather short blog with this: Broaden your scope. It doesn't help you, our nation, our children and the world if we all remain convicted to views that could be outdated and harmful to our future. It hasn't been 100 years that women could vote; both candidates are fighting hard to show their support of the voice of women. Imagine how different this election would be if it were in 1918... It's a good thing that even back then our ancestors had the foresight to not remain true to what they have always done.

Be receptive to all things, even the things you don't agree with. You never know how valuable another opinion could be.

Letting Go

One of the hardest decisions in life you will ever make is whether to stay or go.  This is a decision you will make all the time and at any given time. Sometimes the decision is much more difficult; and this is especially true of friendships. We have all experienced a break up with a significant other, but the loss of a friendship is sometimes a little harder to deal with. Friends aren't necessarily replaceable.  At our ages (I'm talking to the 30-somethings and older), cultivating new relationships is a little hard to do and the difficulty increases exponentially with the number of years you have. There is nothing scientific about that statement, but it seems pretty true. You were expected to make lifelong friends in high school or college or immediately following college at that first often ill-fated attempt at a job. Making friends in your 30s is...well...rather awkward. Seriously, if you don't have friends by now, where do you meet them? Do you just start hanging out with a random group of girls in the club? Do you stop a woman in a store that you are shopping in and compliment her on her shoes and then exchange numbers and agree to have coffee later? It can get be weird. It's not always so easy to find people like you; not even with the advent of social media. I have been fortunate enough to meet some interesting, like-minded women and men through work, church, random encounters, and from said people's children's association with my own child.  As a matter of fact, one of my closest friends worked with me for years and although we have both moved on from our former employer, we are still very good friends (Shout out to DK!). I would be remiss if I didn't mention that friends from work is rare and a serious faux pas; you should not befriend a coworker, ever; but that's another blog post!) It's all hit and miss. You roll the dice with everyone you ever meet. It can take an instant to determine if there is (or isn't) a connection or it can take a while. But once you determine that a relationship you are in is not the best for you, do you know when to leave? Or how to leave without being a jerk? And which of those questions is the most salient?

As I have aged into what I want to call wisdom, I have slowed down a bit. By slowed down, I have assessed and reassessed who I allow to have a front row seat into my life. Everyone does not deserve a front row seat into your life. I have been guilty of loosely associating the word "friend" with just about everyone I meet, but in reality most people don't even really achieve "associate" status. This can be a problem for the outsider. It seems to me that people who aren't in the front row will make up about you what they either don't know or don't understand. They assume you are one way or that you are particular about one thing without knowing anything for sure. They manipulate the truth and will manipulate you. They want inside and they feel like they deserve an immediate entry to the "front row" without paying any dues. When you don't give them what they want quick enough, they dismiss you. These people need to be let go.

Then you have those people who are self-righteous and self-centered. They don't care about how their actions affect those around them. They insecure, they are impulsive, but are slow to respond to your needs.Why should someone who is always right care if anyone else is? They often create a reality that is not real, but a resemblance of what they want. They are into appearances, but not into the truth. Their truth is what is right for them. They can be out of line and often times are, but with their own jaded justification of why it was appropriate to behave the way they did. And when they are out of line and extremely disrespectful they expect for you to understand. They make excuses for their shortcomings and that is not fair to you.  How I deal with these people is simple initially, I give him/her the benefit of the doubt. I don't wait for an apology because I have already forgiven well before the ah-ha moment shines a light on the darkness. I chose not to suffer in the oblivion of how they have mistreated people including myself. I chose to release it and that person from my life. This is not necessarily cutting people off, it's more like a demotion of status. They can't stay in the front row and not care about how they affect you. They have to be let go.

Hurt People hurt people. Walk, no run, away from people who are hurt. They can and will try to hurt you. You; the innocent bystander. You become the punching bag for no other reason than because you showed up. No one volunteers for abuse, but abusers don't care about who they hurt. Ask yourself if the relationship you are in makes you a better person. If it challenges you to become better it's worth being in; but if it is just challenging you need to let it go.

Use Your Time Wisely

"I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good thing,
therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow human
being let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not
pass this way again".~Stephen Grellet, 1773-1855
French-born Quaker Minister

Those hours I spent yesterday I will never get back. And I'm okay with that because all day yesterday I did exactly what I wanted to do for each and every hour of that day. There were things that I felt like I should do, but it's so rare for me to just do what I want to do; and by what I want to do, I mean relax. My weekends are normally packed solid with birthday parties, events, maybe even service activities, phone calls, cooking, laundry and everything else that falls under the errands category. I didn't do any of the aforementioned and that felt good.

That brings me to my next point and personal story. The only job I can honestly say I have loved up to this point was teaching. I loved the kids, the faculty and staff. I loved learning knew things the the course I was teaching. I loved coaching the track and dance team. I was so young when I was teaching, so didn't feel slighted by the lack of a paycheck. I was working 24/7. I was thinking about how I could tie current events into my lesson plans. I was eating, sleeping, and breathing teaching. I started back to graduate school and I felt like I was doing something amazing. I was making a contribution to society through my service to my classroom, and I got paid to do this. It was awesome. Then I started to need "things" because I was too immature to know any better. I needed to look in terms of material, as good as I felt internally. That means I needed more money.

We are all motivated by money. Society as a whole is motivate by money. Wars are fought over this, elections are won and lost over this. I am especially aware of this. Without thinking it through in its entirety, I left my teaching position and took a job at an insurance company. It was a huge pay increase. I could afford those "things" now. I kept working, I kept performing, I earned more. I moved, I earned even more. I switched companies, I earned even more. But I hated my job. I hated the company, I hated the work. Whilst being thankful for the paycheck and a place to go Monday-Friday, I hated the job. I got no glory from the work. I was an under-appreciated employee. I started to think about the harm this was doing to me and my family and anyone who ever has to hear or read my thoughts. Putting so much time and energy into the work I loathed made me cynical. I spent more time at work than I did at home and I hated every minute of it. That's time I can't get back. I started a pursuit of something better. And better, I have found.

Most of us don't like our jobs, but we are fearful of what it would mean to our households to pursue other things. Only when that fear is surpassed by what it would mean if we didn't pursue what we love, do we make changes. The challenge to making yourself a better person is to do what you love. Contribute to the world in a way that makes you proud. Love your career and if you don't love it, find a new one. If you feel good about yourself, you will feel uplifted in everything you do. Your family will benefit, your friends will benefit. Since infectious smiles get passed around more than the common cold, the stranger you smile at will benefit too.

kb

Redemption!

Every leap year there are two things we can all count on. 1. A knock-down, drag-out fight between Republicans and Democrats and 2. The Olympics. I appreciate the opportunity to vote for our nation's leaders, but I LOVE the Olympics. I love watching Swimming, Diving, Gymnastics and of course  Athletics/Track and Field. Watching the competition among the elite athletes is nail-biting sometimes and at other times it gets me out of my seat cheering loud enough to disturb my neighbors. I drew on the inspiration of Florence Griffith Joyner and Jackie Joyner-Kerse to run track. I eventually paid for my college education by running track.  (Thank you FloJo and Jackie.) Today I watch these games and my inspiration comes from Dana Vollmer.

In the past I've only watched Swimming and by watched I mean I am looked for the swimming caps with the American Flag on it to touch the wall first.  I'll be honest, aside from Dara Torres, Michael Phelps, Natalie Coughlin, Ryan Lochte and "the black guy" on the relay, I didn't recognize any other swimmers. It wasn't until watched Dana Vollmer break the world record that I knew who she was. It was an amazing race to watch. She crushed the field. But what made her stand out to me wasn't her victory, it was the story behind her "don't quit" attitude. 

 Vollmer has been a talented swimmer for a very long time. She competed in the 2000 Olympic trials at age 12. She made the Olympic team in 2004 and brought home a gold medal as a part of the quartet that swam the 4x200 freestyle. By all accounts, she was a shoo-in for the 2008 Olympics in Beijing...until she wasn't a shoo-in. Vollmer did not make the team. After all that success, she fell down, and fell hard. But what makes Vollmer my inspiration is the fact that she got back up. She refused to accept a temporary condition (not making the team) with a permanent mindset (giving up on swimming).  She got back in the pool and in 2012 she not only made the team, she won a gold medal and broke the world-record in doing so. The race that day was for second, because Vollmer was not going to be beaten. I can't think of a better rebound story. It was as if she took a cue from a famous Winston Churchill quote, "Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever give up. Never give up. Never give up. Never give up." Imagine where you would be if you had that kind of conviction in your life.

So the message for this post is don't give up. There is redemption after a failure. Persevere and see your goals through. Make some adjustments, but don't give up. Greatness is in all of us.